What You Think Of Me Is None of My Business

We all care what people think about us, some a little more than others.
We stop and listen to the little whispers, we keep appearances to not disappoint our ‘image’  We try to please the crowd when we can and we have mental breakdowns when we hear the wrong things about ourselves, Yes. It eats us alive.
We worry too much what others will think so we limit ourselves to a certain people, certain places, certain crowds.
We live our lives in patterns of people’s expectations and for what? I never really understand, do you? Can someone explain this to me.
I had a friend who went clubbing Monday to Monday even when he was flat broke bless is heart, just so people wouldn’t think he has …whats the word ..oh yes ‘Kufulia’ Quite a nasty little word that one.
We’ve become slave to people’s views of us.

I have quite a number of facebook friends (5000 +)  I still don’t know how it got to that number but its fascinating seeing the lives  of random young Tanzanians out there the contrast is awakening and Just last month I saw this young man’s status on facebook and I quote
‘ Unajifanya uko too busy Kuingia facebook kumbe una simu ya mchina haina intanet,’
And later on the boy  whom the status was directed to got a new phone and went ahead to one prestigious club in Dar took a picture and posted it with caption ‘Nina Pesaaar Xana’ via blackberry …I detest the use of X  for S by the way, infuriates me, I could kill a fly.
The drama was quite interesting, I was following closely… especially because it later unfold that the phone he took the picture with was not his…(don’t even ask how we onlookers found out)…and he was willing to go out of his way to borrow a phone and go to some club take a picture make it look like he’s living large to please just one person who earlier criticized him. Sadly this is the case for most us, we’re willing to go out of our way when we hear things about ourselves to prove them wrong, how many people will we prove wrong? But I’ve got message for you, What people think  about you is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!  If talking about you makes them sleep better at night let them be merry, if that makes their Christmas don’t take away the Santa, don’t pull away the tree, don’t go through the trouble. Focus on making yourself better for you.
Our ego's feed off people's opinions. They constantly feed on the need of approval and disapproval  but we should keep in mind that someone's view of you is not about you but about it, its about them, its their perception.
What you think and what you feel is your business. When I’m worried about how you feel about me, I’m in your business. And if I’m busy living in your business, how am I present for my own business?
Now I’m not saying all negative criticism should be unheard. Criticism Is good, it builds you, it helps you shape yourself but be listener not a hearer, Know what to take in and what to leave out, when you start letting  others take control of your actions, you’re losing. When we start allowing people to instill insecurities and fears on us it affects our performances, our persona. No one should define who you should be.  People take feedback so differently, some let it build them some feel the need to defend themselves for others to see, defend our actions our wrongs, the defense mechanism differs from person to person but be open minded and take criticism feedback and whispers lightly. I used to be a bit of pessimist in the sense that I automatically de-motivate myself, yes,  I murder my own hopes, and no I’m not going to blame it on my childhood or a dead relative or some long untold traumatic experience that’s been eating me up since I was 5, coz its not. Some people were just born that way, and slowly have to learn to change and adjust ourselves…You’ll find its even harder to move forward when the criticism is coming from your own mind, but that’s the point, you cant let everything get you down. At least be selective with what you’re going to let get to you.

I end with a sad little sob story of how I tried every sport in school just because some ’friends’ said I suck at sports only to finally stop after trying absolutely everything and yes …even ping pong (and in my book anything that makes you sweat is a sport..lol)… I went to one of the game rooms and started playing tennis out of boredom and I really liked it and was really good at it since then...but that was after I stopped trying to prove them wrong..probably not such a life changing 'sob story' there's no 'and then i became a world champion' but you get my point right?