Parking Nightmares



Ever since I started driving I've had this recurring nightmare that has me sweating and panting
and waking up in the middle of the night screaming, It goes something like this... Im in a gathering
its some sort of celebration everyone is hyped and it seems like a really big wedding or a
very big event because there are lots of people, its packed and  everyone is laughing and cheering until the MC stops whatever he was saying, one man walks up to him and whispers in his ears...there is silence.. he nods and looks around  and says the words that get me shaking 'Mwenye Gari Namba TBlaBlaBla CFF, Tunaomba ukaangalie Gari Lako Limegongwa vibaya sana, Taa Vioo vyote Vimepasuka yani halitamaniki tunakushauri ununue lingine, Nani kakwambia upaki kwenye kona?' I proceed to walk amongst the crowd with my head down and they all make space for me whispering and pointing fingers 'I heard she doesnt even have a  license' one whispers as I pass by. I wake up. Screaming

Now I wouldnt say Im the best driver, I'm okay, everyone gets where they're going safe but its the
parking in Dar that's really a challenge. I have been caught so many times by the cops I think 
some know my middle and last name from holding onto my license till kingdome come, I went to Kariakoo once and parked infront of the police station, Yes I am dumb. You can say it out loud, everyone else did...so this chummy cop walks up to me, tells me the fine for parking right infront of Police Station and I'm a good girl, I never argue with the cops unless I'm really broke (thats When I start to know my rights) i just pull out my
wallet and he goes 'leo tumewashika madada wasio na adabu, fine ni elfu 30 ila faini bila risit ni
15,000 tshs Upo tayari kulipa faini bila risiti?'  Now of course I went for the cheaper option,
not knowing faini bila risiti actually meant that it was a bribe ( I found this out a week later, Im a bit
slow with hidden meanings) So I pay the fine and walk off and since then parking has always been a nightmare for me....anywhere I go..
Yesterday It happened to me...the nightmare came true, I was at a funeral around the neighbourhood
and I went to the mass, the church was crammed and parking was crazy, so I said hey let me just
park right here and get in real quick. Not knowing I had parked right infront of the exit. It was
quite a small door compared the entrance so I hadnt seen it all, But I had that 'Mmmmhhhh I
wonder why no one parked here its so spacious' moment and at the end of the mass its was deja
vu...The man walked up to pastor like in my dream, he stopped preaching and looked around and Alas... 'Mwenye Gari namba T Bla Bla Bla CFF tafadhali tunakuomba usogeze gari lako you have completely blocked the exit...you idiot' The last words I swear I heard him mumble under his breath. So I stand up..and
scene replays itself...they all stop to stare at the idiot who parked at the exit...nasty looks
all over. Some even nodded their heads in dissapointment. I walk on with my head down till I'm out
of the church and in my used but in good condition Japanese heaven in a bag of biscuits car,
proceed to move it and there it is..I see the exit sign..in tiny little letters somewhere hidden in the
bushes. I sigh, proceed to the move the used but in good condition car and dread to get back in the church, But I have to, everyone is waiting for the idiot to walk back in so they can examine her once more, maybe they know her from somewhere, anywhere so they can explain her peculiar behavior , whose relative is this? Why is she even at this funeral, could we be related to the idiot? Questions Questions they all ask themselves I see on their faces as she, the idiot, walks back in, she sits and then she says a little prayer 'God,save me from this humiliation, Bless me with a helicopter'