Are You That Tanzanian Who....

Today I’m gonna share with you a little convo I had with a random man I met at Mcdonalds....a small little tiny McDs  in Mumbai, just had a long day with friends and was getting food, I was tired to my toes and service was really slow…started my chain of complaining around my friends when a nice young Indian man walked up to me, this is just little of the conversation i remember but it felt so wonderful to talk in Swahili with another Tanzanian....

‘Habari Gani Dada Yangu’ I was utterly shocked especially because he was Indian and his swahili was perfect
‘Nzuri, mambo’
‘Poa, unaishi huku Mumbai?’
‘Hapana nimekuja kutembea tu, wewe Mtanzania? Unaishi Tanzania sehemu gain?’
‘Upanga’
‘Aaaaaah Upanga? Upanga ipi?’
‘ Pale muhimbili geti la kutokea, opposite, kuna geti la bluu’
‘Acha utani kuna rafiki yangu anaishi maeneo ya pale, anaitwa Kina’
‘Kina Kina si yupo malaysia ? Nimesoma nae Tambaza,’
‘ Basi Zamani nlikuwa nashinda kwao… Dah,small world bro’
‘kwetu pale pale... Tibaigana anasemaje na mji wake’
‘Haha saivi kuna Kova’
‘Kweli inabidi nirudi mwaka huu, we unarudi lini?’
‘Baada ya miezi 5 ivi’
‘Me hata sijui labda mkimaliza Migao ya umeme ndo ntarudi’
‘haha karibu maana nshachoka kukaa huku...saivi ningekuwa kwa bonge fastaa mstari wenyewe huu hauendi’
'kwa bonge mikocheni? aise nimemiss kiepe balaa...american chips bado ipo'
'Waende wapi kaka'
'Dah chipsi zao balaa, anyway nice meeting u, hebu niende kuchukua order yangu'
'Likewise yani...stay safe'

He turned around to leave , I stopped him ‘Wait!’  ‘How did you know I’m Tanzanian?’
He smiled ‘I just know’ And that was it, I didn’t ask him his name or his number  and he didn’t ask mine. My Ghanian and Nigerian friends were just there watching me in amazement..’How did he know?’ I mean we were all African girls there…
The Biggest Question, How do you know your Tanzanian? There many ways to know…but…
Are you that Tanzanian who has these characteristics?

1. You call all dogs Bobby
2. You call all Gas Stations ‘Sheli’
3. You Peep at someone else’s text when they’re chatting (be it in a bus, party etc)
4. 1- 2 hour late to all your meetings  always blame It on traffic

5. Your skinny, but you occupy the  whole sidewalk when you walk
6. Talk too loud in  transport vessels…be it a bus, plane, train, you name it…especially when you’re on the phone
7. Environmental cleanness is your least concern, anyplace is a dustbin to you, and when you’re consulted about throwing things around your usual response is ‘Kwani hii barabara ya babaako? Kwani Huu mtaro wa babaako?’ etc
8. Very loud ringtones when you have a new/nice phone, especially so people can see you when you pick up your new phone
9. You always answer a question with a question
10. You go to the newspaper stand to read headlines not to buy papers , always ask for other people’s newspaper or often read other people’s newspapers in the bus/office …never buy ur own
11. You could eat ‘Kiporo’ for breakfast, lunch, dinner
12.  A party is not a party if there is no Pilau to a Tanzanian, You will curse out a party that has no pilau
13. You’re Invited to a party alone, you go with 3 friends
14. You go to Coco Beach on Christmas or Eid, even if you wont stay , you just have to pass by
15. You must have new shoes to match your new clothes on Christmas or Eid, Easter..
16. You blame everything on the Government, be it bad weather lack of rainfall or the heat
17. You like to witness Danger, for instance, when Mbagala bombs went off, many Tanzanians died running towards the noise to see what was going on
18. You talk in English at certain ‘Exclusive’ places
19. You  talk in English when you spot a foreigner
20. Wherever you go, your favorite meal is Chips Kuku, chicken chips.
21. Travel out of Tanzania, for 3 months, come back to Tanzania with a foreign accent and claim to have forgotten Swahili
22. You have the answers, to all the questions…Tanzanians never fail an answer
23. You know more about other people’s country than they do, you’re even willing to argue about it with them
23. You go to supermarkets to ‘explore’
24. You have watched every Schwarzenegger and Van Damme movie as a child

25. You know all of Kanda Bongoman, Magic system, pepe kale, awilo longombas and Koffi Olomide songs by heart (especially Chamukwale/Ndombolo you even know the whole dance routine from their video) , but you dont even speak french 
26. Goes out...without a single shilling, comes
 back home drunk
27. However hard the economy is , however broke you are....you always have money for a beer
28. Somehow someway you claim you're mildly  related to the president (unaforce undugu) 
29. You complain too much
30. You have a wild hunger to take a picture of the deceased at a funeral, so you can throw it on ur instagram/bbm/watsapp RIP so and so...so everyone can know you were there
You like going to funerals of famous people 

Did i forget any other features?
Which number are you?